2013년 11월 1일 금요일

Tresa Cawley's blog ::...friend had recommended Waking the Dead, by John Eldredge. I had gotten a copy of the book, but not started ...






Tresa Cawley's blog ::...friend had recommended Waking the Dead, by John Eldredge. I had gotten a copy of the book, but not started ...










               The               loss               of               a               loved               one               is               always               a               complicated               situation.

Whether               you               experience               the               loss               personally               or               you               know               someone               who               has,               it               is               always               an               awkward               time.

Trying               to               think               of               what               to               do               and               what               to               say               or               having               to               listen               to               people's               claims               of               understanding               your               pain               can               be               very               difficult.

Through               this               trying               time,               having               someone               who               can               truly               empathize               with               you               makes               a               world               of               difference.
               In               "The               Wives               of               the               Dead,"               by               Nathaniel               Hawthorne,               he               examines               grief               and               the               effect               it               has               on               the               women               in               the               story.

He               puts               two               women               in               a               unique               situation.

Both               are               dealing               with               the               loss               of               a               loved               one.

Realizing               that               it               is               imperative               that               they               band               together,               they               comfort               one               another               and               rely               on               each               other.

In               "The               Wives               of               the               Dead,"               Hawthorne               examines               the               relationship               between               these               two               women               and               explores               how               their               common               bond               leads               them               to               reserve               their               own               happiness               and               make               special               considerations               for               each               other's               feelings.
               "The               Wives               of               the               Dead"               tells               the               story               of               two               recent               widows.

Mary               and               Margaret               are               sisters-in-law               who,               within               days               of               each               other,               have               been               informed               that               their               husbands               have               died.

The               death               of               their               husbands               and               the               grief               that               follows               bring               these               two               women               together               in               a               way               that               they               would               not               have               been               otherwise:               "United,               as               they               had               been,               by               the               relationship               of               the               living,               and               now               more               closely               so               by               that               of               the               dead,               each               felt               as               if               whatever               consolation               her               grief               admitted               were               to               be               found               in               the               bosom               of               the               other.

They               joined               their               hearts,               and               wept               together               silently"               (63).
               The               relationship               between               Mary               and               Margaret               has               deepened               in               a               short               period               of               time.

However,               their               bond               is               real,               and               with               it,               they               have               developed               genuine               concern               for               one               another.

Before               they               were               simply               sisters-in-law,               but               now               they               are               forever               linked               by               their               common               grief.

They               are               now               forced               to               rely               on               each               other.

They               both               accept               this               charge               and               throughout               the               story               demonstrate               that               they               will               go               to               great               lengths               to               be               supportive               of               each               other.
               The               desire               of               the               sisters               to               be               supportive               of               each               other               is               first               exhibited               by               Mary.

She               shows               great               concern               for               Margaret               and               is               very               protective               of               her.

She               feels               that               because               her               grief               was               the               "earliest               known,"               it               should               "earliest               cease"               (63).

She               sets               aside               her               own               sorrow               and               turns               her               attention               to               Margaret.

She               understands               Margaret's               heartache               and               tries               to               take               her               mind               off               it               and               get               her               to               tend               to               her               own               well               being:               "'Come,               dearest               sister;               you               have               not               eaten               a               morsel               to-day,'               she               said.

'Arise,               I               pray               you,               and               let               us               ask               a               blessing               on               that               which               is               provided               for               us'"               (63-4).

Mary               wants               Margaret               to               take               care               of               herself.

She               is               also               very               nurturing               to               Margaret.
               At               the               end               of               the               story,               after               waking               from               her               own               sleep,               Mary,               like               a               mother               watching               her               child,               goes               in               to               check               on               Margaret:               "Before               retiring,               she               set               down               the               lamp,               and               endeavored               to               arrange               the               bed-clothes               so               that               the               chill               air               might               not               do               harm               to               the               feverish               slumberer"               (68).

Mary               is               concerned               with               Margaret's               health.

Like               a               mother,               her               sole               priority               is               Margaret               and               her               welfare.

Despite               her               own               grief,               she               feels               the               need               to               ensure               that               Margaret               is               safe               and               sound.

Mary               uses               her               concern               for               Margaret               as               a               coping               mechanism               to               deal               with               her               own               grief.

By               nurturing               Margaret,               she               is               healing               herself               as               well               as               Margaret.

Mary's               concern               for               Margaret               gives               her               purpose.
               In               their               attempts               to               protect               one               another,               the               sisters-in-law               suppress               their               own               feelings.

Mary               first               sets               her               grief               aside               to               focus               on               Margaret,               but               Margaret               also               exemplifies               this               later.

When               she               believes               that               her               husband               is               alive,               Margaret's               first               impulse               is               to               share               her               wonderful               news               with               the               one               who               understands               her               most,               Mary.

However,               her               excitement               is               quickly               replaced               with               sorrow               for               Mary:
               Joy               flashed               into               her               heart,               and               lighted               it               up               at               once;               and               breathless,               and               with               winged               steps,               she               flew               to               the               bedside               of               her               sister.

She               paused,               however,               at               the               door               of               the               chamber,               while               a               thought               of               pain               broke               in               upon               her.

'Poor               Mary!'               said               she               to               herself.

'Shall               I               waken               her,               to               feel               her               sorrow               sharpened               by               my               happiness?

No;               I               will               keep               it               within               my               own               bosom               till               the               morrow.'               (66)               Margaret               is               unable               to               hurt               Mary.

She               feels               guilty               for               seemingly               having               her               prayers               answered               while               her               sister-in-law               is               still               hurting.

She               "felt               as               if               her               own               better               fortune               had               rendered               her               involuntarily               unfaithful"               (66).

Because               of               the               bond               that               they               share,               she               wants               Mary               to               be               happy               also.
               She               cannot               bear               for               her               happiness               to               show               while               she               knows               her               sister               is               still               in               pain.

She               feels               as               if               her               happiness               will               be               a               betrayal               to               the               common               bond               they               share.

She               suppresses               her               own               happiness               to               protect               the               feelings               of               Mary.

Mary               makes               the               same               sacrifice               for               Margaret.

When               she               believes               that               her               beloved               husband               is               alive,               she               too               thinks               first               of               sharing               the               news               with               her               dear               sister.
               However,               when               thoughts               of               her               sister's               unhappiness               arise,               she               decides               otherwise:               "               [S]he               remembered               that               Margaret               would               awake               to               thoughts               of               death               and               woe,               rendered               not               the               less               bitter               by               their               contrast               with               her               own               felicity"               (68).

Just               like               Margaret,               Mary               is               unable               to               pour               salt               into               the               wounds               of               her               sister-in-law               by               expressing               her               overwhelming               joy               and               happiness.

Hawthorne               is               commenting               on               how               often               women               have               been               historically               taught               that               it               is               their               role               to               take               care               of               those               around               them               and               deny               themselves               happiness               in               order               to               make               those               around               them               feel               better.
               Perhaps               the               most               ironic               aspect               of               the               story               stems               from               the               fact               that               both               sisters               seem               to               be               in               a               dream               state               when               they               receive               the               wonderful               news               that               their               husbands               are               alive.

Yet               both               believe               that               the               other               is               dreaming,               and               both               comment               on               how               their               sister-in-law's               happiness               is               falsely               wrapped               in               these               dreams.

After               deciding               not               to               tell               Mary               of               her               good               news,               Margaret               thinks,               "Happy               is               it,               and               strange,               that               the               lighter               sorrows               are               those               from               which               dreams               are               chiefly               fabricated"               (66).

She               believes               that               the               look               of               "motionless               contentment"               (66)               on               Mary's               face               is               nothing               more               that               the               result               of               a               wishful               fantasy.

Mary               also               displays               these               thoughts.

As               Mary               watches               Margaret's               "rose-tinted"               cheeks,               "vivid               smile,"               and               "expression               of               joy,"               she               thinks               to               herself,               "My               poor               sister!

You               will               waken               too               soon               from               that               happy               dream"               (68).
               Mary               believes               that               Margaret's               joy               exists               only               in               the               delusions               of               her               dreams.

Both               women               are               convinced               that               the               other               is               dreaming.

Through               their               thoughts               and               actions,               Hawthorne               reveals               that               although               Mary               and               Margaret               care               about               each               other               and               would               never               intentionally               hurt               one               another,               deep               inside,               they               subconsciously               want               the               happiness               that               they               think               they               are               hiding               from               one               another               and               are               unable               to               believe               that               they               both               can               have               this               happiness.

Hawthorne's               perception               of               the               relationship               between               these               two               women               seems               contradictory.

Although               they               seem               selfless               and               caring,               they               have               secret               desires               that               are               selfish.
               The               relationship               between               Mary               and               Margaret               is               unlike               any               other.

Hawthorne               highlights               the               emotional               roller               coaster               on               which               these               two               women               find               themselves.

By               showing               Mary               and               Margaret               torn               between               their               own               feelings               and               each               other's               feelings,               Hawthorne               exemplifies               the               torment               women               face               by               trying               to               stifle               their               true               feelings               in               order               to               protect               the               ones               they               love.
               Hawthorne               is               saying               that               women               are               sometimes               false               in               the               appearances               they               portray               because               they               do               not               want               to               hurt               the               other's               feelings.

The               bond               that               Mary               and               Margaret               share               fuels               their               desire               to               protect               one               another.

Whether               or               not               their               encounters               were               real               or               fantasy,               both               women               believed               that               they               were               doing               what               was               right               for               the               other.

Their               actions               and               their               concerns               for               each               other               exemplify               the               healing               power               of               love.







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